u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
