So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
