The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
