Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
