I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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