yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
