so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I've blown a few things in my day
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
