Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
