He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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