don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
