I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Actions speak louder than pants.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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