I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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