well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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