hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize