having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
