Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
