is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize