I'm so fucking centered right now
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
