based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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