I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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