so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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