I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
