Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
