census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
