hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
