5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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