Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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