He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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