fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
