How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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