You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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