ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
