i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
