Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize