no one should ever give us hovercrafts
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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