you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
