Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
