her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
