The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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