but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
