I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
