im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
high people should be assigned attendants
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
