Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
