you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
