I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude i'm inner monologue high
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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