you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
