Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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