yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
