You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize