I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
