Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
