I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
