You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I think I just sharted jello shots
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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