I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
