One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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