is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
