you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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