She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
