Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize