let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
