So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
now i know why i became what i already was.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
