Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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