After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
