i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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