Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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