I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
