He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It was confusing and full of hummus
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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