I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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