PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
