yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
