she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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