she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
