I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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