i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
