never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
