I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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