my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
