Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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