I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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