Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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