Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
