I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
