Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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