hell yes lets make some ravioli
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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