so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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