If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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