I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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