he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
