If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
