a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize